8 Ways To Make Her Come Orally
Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H., M.A.
This Is Not the “Same Ole” Oral Sex Book
But First, Basic Female Anatomy:
You’ve Got to Know Her Parts
INCREASE ORGASMIC INTENSITY WITH SENSUAL
The Whole Donut Massage
The Royal Treatment
Light Her Fire
Wet and Wild
The Harlequin Special
Thrill Her from Head to Toe
Introduction: This Is Not the “Same Ole” Oral Sex Book
No sex technique says “I love you” quite the way that cunnilingus does.
Oral adoration of her most intimate parts is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman. Like every gift that will be cherished, it must be right for the recipient and offered from the giver’s heart. A few aimless licks in the hopes of getting something in return will not be considered the gift of cunnilingus here!
Regardless of your position on cunnilingus, most women love it and some can’t climax without it. Cunnilingus is sex, and a beautiful form of sex at that. Unlike intercourse, you get to taste, smell, and touch your partner all in the same moment. Like driving a stick shift, cunnilingus is a learned skill; you can learn it, and you can be very, very good at it. I will show you how.
Other books may teach you different tongue and mouth moves, as I do here. My book does more than that! I have created special scenarios that turn cunnilingus into a sex event.
If you’ve always wanted to be the kind of man who has the power to psychologically arouse your partner and the technical skills to bring her to orgasm, this book is for you. You will get so much from performing cunnilingus, including:
• Increased confidence in your skills as a lover
• Sexual satisfaction (hers and yours)
• Being in your masculine power
• Newly inspired sense of sexual adventure and creativity
• Being more in tune with her sexual response cycle
And my promise to both you and your lover is this: The relationship will feel new and exciting again.
Each scenario is e; xciting and creative and will help you master cunnilingus. I’ve organized them into categories, and you’ll find one that suits every erotic mood. In addition, Sex Facts are sprinkled throughout the book and are sure to add to your sexual knowledge. Within the scenarios, you’ll find easy segments: Perfect the Move highlights the special techniques used. The Scenario sets up the creative fantasy that turns this act of cunnilingus into a sex event. Last-Minute Preparations gives you all the little preparatory details. The Technique gives you step-by-step directions from first touch to her orgasm.
And finally, The Sexpert Says gives you useful information based on my own experience, observations as a sexologist, and confessions from clients. The notes here will help you understand how to be playful and sexually adventurous with your woman and give you a snapshot of female sexuality, with some insights into male sexuality, too.
There is a cunnilingus scenario here for every mood, from playful to soul mate-connecting. If you try one and don’t like it, try another … and another … and another. Adapt, change, and modify to make it your own. What compares to the warmth of your breath, the wet sucking of your mouth, the firmness of your tongue?
I sincerely hope that my book will give you the tools and inspiration for rocking her erotic world and becoming more expressive and adventurous with her. And I hope that you learn more about your own sexuality and experience the confidence and personal power from a licking well done.
Wishing you a healthy and happy sex life!
But First, Basic Female Anatomy: You’ve Got to Know Her Parts
You can’t drive her crazy if you don’t know where her buttons are, right? Here are some terms to get you started:
A politically and anatomically correct name, the vulva is the whole package of the female genitalia.
• Mons or mons veneris (Latin for mound of Venus): This soft spot on top of the pubic bone is sensitive to the touch and nice for arousal, but stimulation there generally won’t take her to climax.
• Labia majora (large outer lips): The labia majora is a somewhat sensitive area that overlays and protects the more delicate inner layer of the vulva. These outer lips are covered with pubic hair (that many women wax or shave). Many women find that removing the hair increases sensitivity to touch.
• Labia minora (smaller inner lips): These more sensitive lips swell and change color when a woman becomes aroused. They are more slender in size than the outer lips, though they sometimes extend down past them.
Some of the slang terms for the little pink stalk sometimes compared to the penis include the little girl in the boat, the bean, the magic button, the flower, and the pearl, among others. It is the only organ on either the male or the female body designed solely for pleasure. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and operates within network of 15,000 nerve endings that service the entire pelvic region. Knowing this, it would be nearly impossible to have an orgasm that is not clitoral in nature.
• The clitoral hood: This little outgrowth or overgrowth of skin covers and protects the clitoral glans. When a woman becomes aroused, the glans protrudes from the hood, though in some women, just barely.
• The clitoral glans or shaft: When people refer to the clitoris, they are usually talking about the clitoral glans. The vast system of nerves connecting the clitoris to the vagina all end in the glans. What a potent little piece of genital property that is!
• The crura (a.k.a. wings): Located to the right and left of the urethra, they run back to the pubic bone. The internal portion of the clitoris, these two sections are shaped like Vs, connecting to the clitoris at the point of the V.
• The vestibular or clitoral bulbs: A string of bulb-shaped aggregations of erectile tissue, the clitoral bulbs extend down beneath the labia minora. When a woman is aroused, they fill with blood, making the vulva swell.
• Front commissure: A very sensitive and often overlooked area above the base of the clitoral shaft, just below where the labia majoras meet.
• The fourchette: The bottom edges of the lips beneath the vaginal entrance, neighboring the perineum.
The vagina is the elastic, muscular canal connecting the uterus to the outside of a woman’s body. Babies come out of it. Penises go into it. When a woman is aroused, her vagina expands in width and length and produces lubrication, though additional lube may be needed if she is on some medications that may dry the vagina or is postmenopausal.
The term cunnilingus comes from the Latin word for vulva (cunnus) and tongue (lingua). A person who performs cunnilingus may be referred to as a “cunnilinguist.”
The narrow end of the uterus that connects it with the top of the vagina is the cervix. It feels hard to the touch and expands with arousal and orgasm. Women who have cervical orgasms report an intense physical and emotional release.
The much-hyped G-spot is a spongy, walnut-sized mass of tissue approximately 1 to 3 inches (2.5 to 7.5 cm) up on the back wall of the vagina. You can feel it by inserting two fingers into a woman’s vagina and making the come hither gesture. Some women have intense G-spot orgasms; other women claim they can’t even find theirs.
Urine exits a woman’s body through her urethral opening. A small mass of erectile tissue above and on either side of that opening is very sensitive to erotic stimulation. Known as the U-spot, it is relatively undiscovered territory for some women (and the men who lick them).
Located slightly below and to the left and right of the vaginal opening, the Bartholin’s gland secretes small quantities of lubrication when a woman is aroused.
Located behind the rear wall of the vagina and around the lower end of the urethra, Skene’s glands swell with blood during arousal.
The exit for the colon, the anus is also very rich in nerve endings. Some women enjoy having their anus stimulated with a finger, tongue, anal dildo, or penis. Both men and women have a sphincter muscle that controls opening and closing the anus and that also contracts at the point of orgasm.
Don’t compare your girl’s vulva to ones that you see in Penthouse, Playboy, or pornography. Many of the women featured in these magazines go through surgery to make themselves look picture perfect.
Pubococcygeal (or PC) Muscle
This is a hammock-like muscle stretching across the floor of the vagina from pubic bone to tailbone; it controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm. If she—and you, because men have it, too—exercises that muscle, it will become stronger, enhancing sexual pleasure and intensifying orgasm for both of you. With a strong PC muscle, she will be able to “grip” your penis, and even pull it in and out of her vagina.
Doing Kegel exercises builds that muscle. For women, regular Kegels keep the vagina toned after childbirth and postmenopause. Kegel exercises to strengthen the PC muscle are essential for every woman and man. Doing them is the absolute bottom line requirement for good sex. Not only does a strong PC make your orgasm more likely and more intense, it also facilitates multiple and extended orgasms. So do them!
For Her: How to Find Your (and His) PC Muscle
Locate your PC by stopping and starting the flow of urine. Once you have located the muscle, begin with a short Kegel sequence.
Contract the muscle 20 times at approximately one squeeze per second. Exhale gently as you tighten only the muscles around your genitals (which includes the anus), not the muscles in your buttocks. Don’t bear down when you release. Simply let go. Do two sets twice a day. Gradually build up to two sets of 75 per day.
Then add a long Kegel sequence.
Hold the muscle contraction for a count of three. Relax between contractions. Work up to holding for 10 seconds, then relaxing for 10 seconds. Again, start with two sets of 20 each and build up to 75.
Once you are doing 300 repetitions a day of the combined short and long sequences, you will be ready to add the push-out.
After relaxing the contraction, push down and out gently, as if you were having a bowel movement with your PC muscle. Repeat gently. No bearing down.
Now create Kegel sequences that combine long and short sequences with push-outs. After a month of daily repetitions of 300, you should have a well-developed PC muscle. You can keep it that way simply by doing sets of 150 several times a week.
A Variation for Her: The Kegel Crunch Vary your Kegel routine by doing them while exercising. For example, do Kegels as you perform pelvic crunches. Contract your PC as you pull in your stomach muscles. Release both at the same time.
A Variation for Him: Add Weight
As your PC muscle grows stronger, you can perform your exercises with first a damp handkerchief, then a face cloth, and finally a hand towel draped over your penis.
HER SEXUAL RESPONSE CYCLE
There are general stages of arousal common to all of us, yet specific to each of us. Paying attention to her sexual response cycle and flowing with her moods is the art of love-making and what will make you the best lover she has ever had. Women’s moods are so intricate that this could be a lifelong practice with the same woman.
Noted Female erogenous Zones
• Backs of the knees
• Lower back torso
Signs of Early Arousal
• Heart rate increases and her blood pressure rises
• Body muscles tense
• The vagina begins to lubricate
• Nipples and clitoris swell as they become engorged with blood
At this stage you want to psychologically and physically engage the female form. The scenerios in this book are a creative way for you to initiate this phase. Approach her with the intention of authentic appreciation, relecting back her own beauty. Long, slow strokes and gradual builds are generally desirable at this initial stage. Initiate physical contact with:
• Soft kisses
• Relaxed eye contact
• Light touches
As She Becomes More Aroused
• Breathing deepens, and she may moan or gasp
• Muscle tension increases, toes may curl, and spasms might show on the feet, face, and hands
• She sweats
• As the vagina swells with blood, the genitals appear darker
• The clitoris becomes larger
• Her breasts may even increase in size to become more full
• Her body flushes with a red tone
• Incorporate a rhythm
• Establish patterns and sets
• Apply pressure
• Increase pace
On average, a woman needs twenty minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. The average guy needs two to five minutes of stimulation to the head of the penis via thrusting in intercourse or manual masturbation. Not fair, huh?
• Direct contact to clitoris and surrounding erogenous spots
• Sucking works well to direct energy
• Create gaps or moments of no stimulation
• Be present watching and listening to what she likes
• Hold on to her as she approaches orgasm
• She has muscle contractions and loses control. Depending on the intensity, she may have between three and fifteen contractions occurring at 0.8-second intervals. She may also experience contractions in other parts of her body such as the sphincter
• Her body may become rigid at the highest point of orgasm
• Some women ejaculate fluid
• Sex flush becomes brighter and more noticeable
Some people use cunnilingus as the appetizer, others the entrée. Women do not need to repeat the entire cycle to orgasm again. Once they are in the orgasm phase, they are highly orgasmic.
• Be grounded and steady, holding her in place
• Maintain contact to her clitoris and stimulating areas
• Apply pressure or sucking to the clitoris combined with light tongue strokes, which intensify orgasm
After the Last Orgasm
The refractory phase is an important part of the oral experience. Interrrupting this phase would be the same as cutting any of the other phases short.
• The clitoris and nipples become very sensitive
• “Sex flush” disappears
• Increased amounts of oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” are released into the body
How long should you stay in this phase? Ideally, until she breaks free from your embrace, but twenty minutes is a safe amount of time.
• Slow down direct stimulation to erogenous zones to a stop
• Be present with her
• Hold and caress her
• Celebrate her
Any place can be an erogenous zone. Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey found that some women could reach orgasm by having their earlobes nibbled or eyebrows stroked.
Increase Orgasmic Intensity with Sensual Indulgences—Plus Cunnilingus
There are many ways to indulge your lover. Whatever surprises and treats you have in store for her, make them more memorable by including cunnilingus.
• The Whole Donut Massage,
Give her a massage that includes the whole donut, even the hole—and don’t forget her happy ending.
• Morning Thunder,
Give her breakfast in bed and a new mouth move.
• The Royal Treatment,
Service your slightly kinky queen and reap the rewards later.
• Light Her Fire,
Build her a roaring fire—and go down on her in front of it. That’s a luxury any woman will love.
• Wet and Wild,
Hot tubs are sexy. Can you hold your breath underwater and lick her at the same time?
• The Harlequin Special,
Read out loud from a romance novel together—orgasms included.
• Wake-Up Call,
Become her human alarm clock with your tongue.
• Thrill Her from Head to Toe,
After you paint her toes, suck them … and keep sucking.
THE WHOLE DONUT MASSAGE
She doesn’t have to go to a spa to get a massage. You can give her the donut and the hole massage in your own home. The secret to success in this scenario lies in predicting her needs as well as meeting them.
Perfect the Move
• The key to giving her a whole donut massage is developing the long, slow buildup of tenderness and care that leads to a luxurious (or more than one) orgasm.
• Pay attention to the speed of her response the next time you perform cunnilingus. How quickly does she come from various mouth and tongue moves? You want to take her high, bring her down, take her up again—so you need to know when to pull back the intense stimulation.
• This is not a quickie.
The Whole Donut Massage Scenario
She’s had a rough week at work. Your girl is taking care of you and everyone else but herself. Every woman loves to be nurtured. You take her in your arms, simply listen to her, give her eye contact, hold her, stroke her face and hair, and tell her that you care. You mirror her tone of voice and body language—a technique that registers as empathy. You encourage and give your woman permission to take care of herself, and as a result, you experience the ultimate payback: more satisfaction and more sex.
Create a spa environment. The most important task is to create a space that is clean and simple. Put all junk, papers, projects, and work out of view.
Draw a bath for her. Undress and caress her to the tub.
Play relaxing music. There are many different types of mood music, including relaxation, that you can purchase to make your own CD.
Have fresh flowers arranged in small vases. Put clean sheets on the bed and fluff the pillows.
Have a warm towel waiting for her when she gets out of the tub, and lead her to the bed.
Turn on the heater and cover the parts of her body not being touched at that moment with a sheet or light blanket.
Focus on your long gliding strokes and caresses on her butt, breasts, stomach, and thighs.
Wrap one arm around her back and use your finger pads to exert pressure on her lower back, just above one of her butt checks. Hold for about ten seconds. Switch and add pressure to the other side. Hold for about ten seconds. If she asks for more pressure, give the girl more.
Do the same thing to a point just above her mons.
Now put one hand on her heart and caress her vulva with the other. When she begins to moan, she’s ready. Open her legs wider and lower your head.
The Whole Donut Massage Technique
• Put one hand under her buttocks and leave your thumb free to massage her perineum.
• Nibble your way around her entire vulva area.
• Lift her legs over your shoulders and rest them on your back. She should have to exert as little energy as possible. Cover her clitoris with your mouth and suck rhythmically until she is highly aroused.
• Slowly lick up and down the sides of her clitoris and occasionally over it.
• Place one finger along either side of her clitoris and gently press in as you flick the tip of your tongue across her clit. Repeat.
• Insert a finger into her vagina, then two, and explore her vaginal wall. When you get to the spongy G-spot, add pressure and rub with your fingers. Put a hand on her mons and gently press. The contrast of internal and external pressures onto her G-spot will delight her.
• Combine the internal massage with the sucking and flicking the tip of your tongue across her clitoris until she explodes in orgasm.
The Sexpert Says
Every woman loves it when a man knows how to adapt love making to her mood. Even strong, successful, independent women want to feel taken care of from time to time. She wants to curl up in his arms and hear him whisper, “Everything will be okay,” which helps her relax and set her worries aside. And she may need that to enjoy sex! Women who have difficulty reaching orgasm especially need the extra reassurance. “Foreplay” begins when she walks in the door.
In this scenario, you give your girl Morning Thunder as you lie on your back and she straddles your face. That position affords you a great view of her face and bouncing breasts—and it’s easy on your neck. A nice bonus: She’s in the female superior position, where she feels totally in control. You are her human vibrator and she can use you however she pleases. Nice!
Perfect the Move
• Practice sending vibration to your lips by making a humming sound. Start with “hmmm,” then try different sounds such as “ohhh,” “uhhh,” and all other vowels. Put your lips to your wrist and practice, because the skin on your wrist is thin and sensitive. Because you probably can’t practice on your own penis (bummer, huh?), this is the next best thing.
• If you don’t have large pillows to put behind your head, buy some. Pillows make a great sex furniture. And pick up a breakfast in bed tray. After the cunnilingus, you serve breakfast.
The Morning Thunder Scenario
You wake up to find your girl, naked and rubbing up against you. For a brief moment, you think you’re dreaming, and soon you realize that she wants your morning thunder. You glide your fingers in the inner crevices of her vulva as you lick and suck her clitoris. She’s on top and in charge. And you are there to give her your lightning bolts of delight, as usual.
Arrange the pillows so that you are both resting comfortably and in a position that affords easy connection with her pussy.
Have lube ready on the bedside table to facilitate manual play.
Tell her that you are her warm, wet, human vibrator and that she should use you however she pleases.
The Morning Thunder Technique
• Hold her butt loosely in your hands. Don’t try to control her, but provide support when she is, for example, sliding her clitoris back and forth across your tongue.
• Put your tongue out in front of your teeth and flatten it so she can wiggle and move her vulva over your tongue as she pleases. Refrain from moving. Just let it be and watch; you will be amazed.
• Play with her breasts, creating a rhythm of squeezing them (or tweaking her nipples) in sync with her gyrating movements.
• If she is receptive to it, hold her hips still as you put your tongue inside her vagina and twirl it clockwise, then counterclockwise.
• Still holding her hips, do your hummer move: Place your lips around her clit and vibrate them.
• Hum her to orgasm.
MORNING THUNDER VARIATIONS
• She can squat rather than straddle, putting more pressure on her feet than your face.
• Or she can kneel on pillows placed on either side of your head, making it easier for her to sustain the position.
• If you have bedposts or a suitably designed headboard with slats or other places to grip, she may be able to hold on to them, giving her better leverage as she “fucks” your tongue.
Worried about your size? Women report that what a man does with his hands, tongue, fingers, and toys matters more than his size. Cunnilingus is the perfect sex activity because you can bring her to orgasm no matter what your size or the quality of your erection.
The Sexpert Says
Cunnilingus is typically used as either foreplay (bringing her close to orgasm) or as the means to give her an orgasm before he has his in intercourse. The bonus: Performing cunnilingus does help you last longer and thus be a better lover. If you have a tendency toward premature ejaculation, then going down on your woman slows you down. When you make cunnilingus the focus of a lovemaking event, you begin to see it as more than foreplay or her guaranteed orgasm. It’s also the path to orgasmic intensity for her. Try pulling back when she’s close to orgasm and kissing, caressing, and stroking her in ways that sustain arousal but don’t bring her immediately to orgasm. When you finally do take her there, her orgasm will be bigger and stronger than it usually is.
THE ROYAL TREATMENT
We all want to be treated like royalty on occasion. In this scenario, she is your queen, but not a cold, distant, bitchy one. She’s hot. In fact, her majesty is a bit kinky.
She wants to be worshiped in a carnal way. Sit her on a throne and give her the royal treatment.
Perfect the Move
Practice by creating the image in your mind’s eye. You will be performing cunnilingus on her as she is seated on a throne (or a near approximation to one), giving you an unforgettable view of her and access to angles that you never explored.
In your minds eye, imagine your girl’s vulva. See yourself putting two fingers on the sides of her clitoris (in a V shape) to make her jewels stand up and at attention. Imagine that you are tapping the tip of her clitoris with the tip of your tongue. You can even put your tongue to your wrist and gently tap.
The Royal Treatment Scenario
It’s an ordinary day, but you know no special occasion is needed for the queen to be treated well. She will likely accept the offerings of your kingdom any of the 365 days of the year.
Create the throne. Pull out a chair and place some pillows on it. If you have a raised space in your home, such as a fireplace or a step to another room, place her chair on that step. A padded bar or counter stool also makes a nice throne.
Put a pillow down before her throne to give your knees a break.
Kiss and caress her. Remove her panties. Lead your lady to her throne and ask permission to worship.
The Royal Treatment Technique
• As you bring your mouth reverently to her, use two lubed fingers to form a V around the sides of her clit.
• Slide your tongue over the tip of her clitoris a few times.
• Lick the sides of her clit as you insert two fingers of the other hand into her vagina.
• Suck her clitoris as you stroke her G-spot.
• Tap the tip of her clitoris again a few times.
• Put your lips around her clitoris, and as you suck gently, move your head back and forth.
• Swirl your tongue around her clitoris, alternating fast and slow. Switch directions.
• Continue the G-spot massage until she comes.
Staying consistently sexually active will help maintain the sexual response of lubrication. Other factors, such as fluid intake, stress, smoking, alcohol, and medications, all play a part in the degree to which women lubricate. In their studies, Masters and Johnson found three women over the age of sixty who lubricated in response to sexual stimulation as rapidly as women in their twenties did. They discovered it was because these women reported satisfying sex once or twice a week for their entire adult lives.
The Sexpert Says
If your lover takes a while to come, remind her that you enjoy giving her oral pleasure, that there is no rush, and that she looks, smells, and tastes wonderful. Women get performance anxiety, or orgasm anxiety, too. Be authentic, sharing the truth about this, and devote more time to “foreplay,” including the twenty-four-hour variety, kissing and caressing her even when you don’t have sex in mind.
Give her the gift of cunnilingus more often. It is often a sure path to orgasm for many women.
LIGHT HER FIRE
Light her fire—literally as well as figuratively. A man who can build a roaring fire for a woman is sexy. The fire touches something primal inside us. Imagine the cavewoman edging closer to the fire builder, her man.
Stretch her out in front of the fire you’ve just created, and build a different kind inside her with your tongue.
Perfect the Move
• No fireplace? Rent a weekend getaway cabin with a fireplace.
• Practice your fire building skills. (Hint: Start with a fire log; you can’t go wrong.)
• If you have a flannel shirt, wear it. It helps set the mood.
The Light Her Fire Scenario
It’s snowing outside (or it’s damp and chilly). You say, “It’s a perfect night for a fire” and settle her onto the sofa. You make sure she has a clear view of her man at work. Start lighting those fires.
Wrap your arms around her and blow warm breath onto her body.
Pull one of those new warming gels out of your shirt pocket. Put some in your hands and rub it into her vaginal lips.
The Light Her Fire Technique
• Lie down on your belly between her legs. Kiss and caress her whole body as you remove her pants or skirt. If she’s very agile, lift her legs above her head. Lick her labia and perineum with swift, broad strokes of your tongue.
• Slap her ass lightly a few times, sending a nice vibration to the clitoris and surrounding area.
• Bring her legs back down. Gently “nibble” her labia with your lips covering your teeth.
• Flutter your tongue across her clitoris.
• Now, nibble her clitoris the same way you did her labia.
• Insert a dildo into her vagina and apply slight, slow pressure to the left and right of her cervix, a move often called The Frisbee. Massage these regions with gentle but firm pressure.
• Continue with the massage as you suck and wisp your tongue over her clitoris.
The Sexpert Says
Some women report that stimulation to the anterior (AFE zone) and posterior fornices surrounding the cervix offers an intense orgasm and an emotional release. Other women report that the fornices can’t be stimulated without contact to the cervix, which could be painful at times and arousing at others. The fornices have been described as a ring-like structure that encircles the cervix, with the texture similar to the back of a Frisbee.
WET AND WILD
Hot tubs are sexy. The warm water, the bubbles, the minimal clothing—it’s a potent erotic combination. If you have a hot tub, or access to one, you’ve probably fooled around in it.
In this scenario, water is foreplay—take a breath. You’re going under.
Perfect the Move
• Practice holding your breath under water. The secret: Breathe slowly out your nose and do not panic. As you practice, your lungs expand their capacity to take in more air, giving you more time under water for when you go down.
The Wet and Wild Scenario
It’s a star-lit night. Champagne in one hand, your girl in the other, both of you enjoying the hot tub. Getting Wet and Wild may make “meet me in the hot tub” a regular household saying.
Take a moment to connect with your lover using kissing, petting, and stroking.
Make eye contact. This will help her to feel like she is engaged with you and not giving you a show of her masturbating with the jets (unless of course that is the direction it takes).
Position her on the jets by having her hold onto the side. You will hear a moan when she finds it.
For a gradual progression, hold her labia over her clitoris and allow the jets to offer indirect stimulation. After some time, move them away and open her up so that the water hits her clitoris. (Make sure that she’s far enough away from the jet to experience the water as arousing, not painful.)
As you’re doing that, give her little sucking kisses on her neck and breasts.
Turn her around to face you, with her back to the jets.
Now take a deep breath—and dive.
The Wet and Wild Technique
• Insert your tongue and thrust in and out, in time with the water jet stroking her back.
• Come up for air. Using a silicone lube (it’s water resistant), goo up your finger, a G-spot stimulator, or a dildo, and insert it.
• Hold it in and gently push it forward toward her abdomen.
• Take a deep breath and go down again. Replace the dildo with your tongue.
• Repeat a few more times, alternating the tongue thrusting with broad licks of her labia and perineum.
• Now, lift her out of the tub and sit her on the edge. Kneel before her and bring her to orgasm using a combination of licking, sucking, and swirling the tip of your tongue around the tip of her clit.
The Sexpert Says
Women are more likely to believe a story or situation as “true” if it includes details. Without them, women wonder about the validity of your statements. Men brush over the details and get straight to the facts. This explains why men often get frustrated with women when they tell a story loaded with details. Women often get frustrated because they think their man is holding out on them.
What does this have to do with sex? Everything. She needs to hear what you want to do to her in exquisite detail. Verbal foreplay is very hot for a woman, but don’t forget the details.
Kissing has physiological benefits, such as slowing down our brain waves and putting us into a more calm and relaxed state. It’s also fantastic foreplay for cunnilingus. Your lips seem to make their way naturally from her mouth to her pussy.
THE HARLEQUIN SPECIAL
Romance novels are a hearty genre. They have grown increasingly more erotic in recent years. (Yes, women like it hot.) The books reflect our new recognition that women do think about sex, not just love. In fact, romance and sex are entwined in female fantasies.
In this scenario, you’ll use an erotic romance as foreplay and help her bring that fantasy to life.
Perfect the Move
• Go to the bookstore and select a sexy novel that has a theme you know she finds arousing. (Check her bookshelf and draw upon memories of shared fantasies.)
• Practice reading aloud from the sections you’ve highlighted in your romance novel of choice. (Obviously, it should include a cunnilingus scene.)
• If you’re going to try a new mouth move, practice that, too. If you don’t find a book to your liking, write your own scene.
The Harlequin Special Scenario
Set the scene by adding your own paragraph for imagination. If the scene for the book is set in Tuscany, Italy, set the scene by having her close her eyes and imagine the golden rolling hills, the smell of grass, and the warmth of the sun. Begin your reading. When you get to specific details, hand her the book. Ask her to read. You act them out as she does.
Have your scene bookmarked. Stroke her legs and caress her feet as you begin reading. Work your hands up her body, bypassing her vulva.
When it’s her turn to read, ask her to sit facing you with her legs spread. Stroke her thighs and listen to her voice change as she becomes aroused.
The Harlequin Special Technique
It depends on the book, but here are a couple suggestions.
• Here’s a move very popular in erotica: the lollipop lick. Slowly lick her clitoris up the shaft, to the top, swirling your tongue around the tip. Repeat, repeat.
• Another good one: darting tongue. Penetrate her vagina with your tongue, but instead of going straight in and out, dart to the sides as you thrust.
THE HARLEQUIN SPECIAL VARIATIONS
• Blindfold her as you read the story.
• Have her create her own story as the hero goes down on the heroine. Ask her to give you specific instructions, and follow them.
In one experiment, Olympic athletes were asked to imagine running in the Olympics as they were hooked up to machines to measure their physiological responses. Interestingly, the same muscles fired when they imagined the race as when they actually ran the race. What does this have to do with sex, you ask? You can create your reality in your mind.
The Sexpert Says
Women have porn, too. But we call it erotica. Words are more important than pictures in erotica, while the reverse is true for porn. The language is also different, with men preferring the hard physical words such as suck, fuck, and thrust and women being more aroused by sensual terms such as caress.
Both serve the same purpose. They titillate and arouse, fueling our fantasies and encouraging us to be more creative in lovemaking.
Does she hate waking up in the mornings? Give her a wake-up call that will send her off to conquer the world. The next time she has an early meeting, become her human alarm clock. She’ll be very grateful to discover that your swirling and twirling tongue has replaced the bleating of the clock.
Perfect the Move
• Set your cell phone to wake you.
• Pay attention to the tongue moves that bring her to orgasm fast. This is a quickie.
The Wake-Up Call Scenario
Today she has to make a big presentation, and she has been anxious about it for days. You help her relax and start the day right by giving her an orgasm. What puts things into perspective better than an orgasm?
As the tension releases from her body, you tell her she is beautiful, glowing—and a very competent businesswoman, too, of course.
While she is still sleeping, slide your body down hers. Accommodate her sleeping position and try to get your head in the right place without waking her. She sleeps on her back? Perfect. If she is on her side, move the top leg gently to create an opening.
If she is wearing pajamas or panties, slip them aside and slide your tongue between her labia lips, gently opening her up.
Run your hand up and down the small of her back to bring her energy down to her pelvis.
The Wake-Up Call Technique
• Feather your tongue softly over the head of her clitoris, going back and forth, to and fro. It takes effort and concentration to touch this lightly. Think of a butterfly’s wings fluttering rapidly.
• Continue those feather strokes. Flutter the wings diagonally left then right.
• When she’s aroused, awake or not, lick the shaft of her clit with the flat of your tongue, then with your pointed tongue. Do this pattern for some time. Observe her and be in her flow.
• When she is showing signs of accelerated breathing, she is almost there. Go back to the head and give a few jabs with your tongue.
The hormone oxytocin, which is released at orgasm, also plays a role in the desire to fall back asleep after sex, which takes effect about fifteen to twenty minutes after orgasm.
The Sexpert Says
A lot can be learned with simple observation. As a general rule, if you ever see a woman scoot towards you, she wants more pressure. If she moves her pelvis back and forth, or up and down quickly, it probably means faster. If she pulls away, less pressure.
THRILL HER FROM HEAD TO TOE
Her feet are sexy, too. According to reflexologists, applying pressure to certain parts of your hands and feet stimulates a corresponding organ. I am quite certain that there are some super nerve endings traveling from her feet to her clit. (Why else would we love shoes so much?)
Give her a pedicure. Worship her toes. Move up those gorgeous legs. And finish her off.
Perfect the Move
• The best way to know how to give a pedicure—and how good it feels—is to get one yourself. If you’ve never had one in a salon, now is the time.
The Thrill Her from Head to Toe Scenario
Who isn’t on a budget? Do you know anyone who hasn’t made some lifestyle changes, including giving up or limiting little luxuries such as salon pedicures?
The next time she pulls out her home pedi kit, take it out of her hand and offer to give her your own version. If she looks at you sideways, remind her of your steady hand and all the things you’ve painted.
Fill a large bowl with warm, soapy water.
Sit her down somewhere comfortable with pillows behind her back to push her forward. Let her feet soak for ten minutes.
Next, apply a cream or an oil to her feet.
Start by massaging the top of the foot, then the instep, and then the heel.
The feet, so often ignored, have thousands of nerve endings and pressure points that lead throughout the entire body. Press down on the heel of her foot in a series of circles, making a bull’s-eye. Glide your thumb along the arches and gently pull a toe. Repeat this process with all ten.
Perform the pedicure as it was done to you at the salon.
When her nails are dry, lift one foot to your mouth and suck each toe. Repeat with her other foot.
Now lick up her legs to her vulva. Repeat using little sucking kisses.
Using the fleshy part of your thumb, gently but firmly apply pressure and slide your fingers up to the top of the foot. Visit the indent between the outer ankle bone and Achilles tendon. Hold the pressure for about 30 seconds to relieve tension and inspire pleasurable feeling. Repeat several times. This pressure point works for men, too.
The Thrill Her from Head to Toe Technique
• Part her lips and lick inside both the major and the minor ones. Repeat using the same sucking kisses that you used on her legs.
• Work your tongue softly in circles around her clitoral shaft.
• Reverse directions and go counterclockwise.
• Move the tip of your tongue lightly back and forth across the tip of her clitoris.
• When you have found the magical spot, stay there for about three minutes. You can change the direction and sequence, but don’t switch it up at a magical moment.
• Move your tongue faster until she comes. Then slowly and softly, pull the last contractions out of her as you run your fingernails just above her pubic bone.
The Sexpert Says
Many people enjoy playing with feet during sex play, but that doesn’t mean they have a foot fetish. When an erotic activity is more than a trigger for arousal, but the one necessity for arousal, it’s a fetish. So, don’t worry that a little foot play is perverted. It’s mildly kinky—and every good sex life needs a little kink now and then.
Techniques That Will Drive Her Wild!
For many women intercourse isn’t enough to get them from “oh” to “oh-YES!”. Getting a woman to orgasm has more to do with movement of your lips than what you do with your hips. These Quiver quickies teach you all of the mouth moves you need to go down on a woman skillfully.
Unique cunnilingus experiences from start to finish!
Dr. Sonia Borg earned her Ph.D. in human sexuality and Masters in public health from The Institute for The Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco and her masters’ degree in communication from San Francisco State University. She is certified as a clinical sexologist by the American College of Sexologists and is a member of The American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). Sonia has been featured on television and radio. Her authentic, dynamic, and engaging style makes her a sought after speaker, educator, author, and sex expert. She lives in Lahaina, Hawaii. Visit her website at www.thehappyendingscompany.com.
Get quick advice in each of these new quiver quickies!
Also available where print and ebooks are sold:
Oral Sex She’ll Never Forget
Paperback ISBN: 9781592333912
Ebook ISBN: 9781616738648
Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget
Paperback ISBN: 9781592333851
Ebook ISBN: 9781616735760
Oral You'll She’ll Never Forget
Paperback ISBN: 9781592335930
Ebook ISBN: 9781610589123
Text © 2010 Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H.
Photography © 2010 Quiver
First published in the USA in 2010 by
Quiver, a member of
Quayside Publishing Group
100 Cummings Center
Beverly, MA 01915-6101
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
The Publisher maintains the records relating to images in this book required by 18 USC 2257. Records are located at Rockport Publishers, Inc., 100 Cummings Center, Suite 406-L, Beverly, MA 01915-6101.
A Note to Readers:
This book contains the opinions and ideas of the author and is intended for the use of informed and consenting adults. It’s not therapy; it’s fun.
Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H. is a clinical sexologist, not a therapist or medical doctor. Some of the practices and positions in this book may not be appropriate for people with medical conditions or physical impairments. Use your good judgment!
14 13 12 11 10 1 2 3 4 5
Digital edition: 978-1-6278-8119-7
Softcover edition: 978-1-59233-391-2
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Oral sex she’ll never forget: positions and techniques that will make her orgasm like she never has before / Sonia Borg.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-59233-391-2 (alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-59233-391-5 (alk. paper)
1. Sex instruction for men. 2. Oral sex. 3. Female orgasm. I. Title.